Feeling stuck is something everyone experience at least one time in their lives. Something in you yearns to be free, but you feel rooted in existence. An existence that you’ve outgrown but somehow you cling to it. I have found that a comfort zone is a painful place to remain when you know deep down that it’s time to break free and move on.
What are the things that keep you stuck?
- Jobs that you’ve outgrown. It pays the bills but starves your soul.
- Relationships with people that are draining — people who don’t share your values or interests.
- Abusive relationships. It could be a personal relationship with a partner or friend; even a bully of a boss can be an emotionally draining experience.
- You feel stuck in a rut; bored with the same old routine and yearn to be part of something bigger than you. You want to contribute meaningfully to the communities around you.
- Bad habits. You perform activities that add very little value to you or others around you. Too much TV, sleeping or eating are amongst the things that keep you stuck.
- You give your power of choice away to others. You’re always doing what they want you to do, leaving you empty and frustrated.
In my HR Career, I have observed three predominant types of stuck personalities
- The serial pleaser – have a high need for external approval or praise. They often succumb to pleasing others (e.g., boss, spouse, family, friends, etc.) instead of following their better judgment. He/she get stuck in a vicious cycle of pleasing, failing and feeling rejected. They convince themselves that they need to continue this behavior to take care of their responsibilities.
- The initiate – have a strong need to be accepted by the dominant group or leader. They need to be part of the group against their judgment of what’s right or just. He/she will work themselves into a stupor to be accepted and to belong. They convince themselves that being part of the winning team will pay off eventually.
- The conformist – are those who have stayed too long in a company. They have accepted the culture for what it is. He/she do everything they can to blend in and do their utmost not to go against the grain. They play it safe and says yes to everything. They convince themselves that staying is the only option and that they will find more of the same elsewhere.
The main thing that keeps these three personalities stuck is their fear. They fear, rejection, judgment, failure and taking risks. Over time they lose their confidence and belief in themselves.
When we stay stuck in whatever situation we find ourselves in, it becomes harder to break free. Yes, harder but possible.
So, how do you break free?
- Prayer. Hand over all your worries to the Lord and surrender to a higher source. You will find solace in silence. Because when you open your heart to the Almighty, you will find the guidance that you seek. It may feel like a slow process, but it will all work out.
- Inner-engineering, as quoted by Sadhguru, makes use of tools such as prayer, meditation, and yoga. These are tools that will help you find your inner voice and courage. I encourage you to use these tools to strengthen your life. Use them consistently, and you will transform your life.
- Say NO! You do not have to stay stuck. Say No to the wrong job, the wrong partner and friends. When it doesn’t feel right, you don’t have to put up with it. There is a reason you are feeling the way you do; let go of what no longer serves you.
- Think out loud with those you trust, about the situation you find yourself in and how you can break free from this vicious cycle.
- Trust yourself; your instincts are where God resides. You will know what is right for you.
- Ask yourself what do I have that I can offer to the world? Be of service to a cause that you value. Find a calling that enriches your life and those around you.
- Still unclear about your future job? Pay more attention to the things you do that fills you up with joy. We all escape into things that interest us. What are your interests? What do you know more about than anyone else around you? Is it spirituality, fashion, food, sports, etc.? How could you do more of this?
My recommendation for the three stuck personalities
- The serial pleaser – start validating yourself. Praise and acknowledge your talents and strengths. Learn to be ok with the fact that not everyone will like you, but it doesn’t mean that you are not great. You are a divine being.
- The initiate – you do not have to fit into any group. I encourage you to be proud of standing out. You are worthy, and you are enough. The tribe you are meant to be part of will find you. Often our close family is the tribe we overlook; embrace them and grow with love.
- The conformist – Start saying No! Trust yourself. When it feels wrong, it is wrong. Other companies would love to have your skills and expertise. You do not have to be stuck. Take a risk on you and find a great place to work.
Everyone deserves to feel free.
Often, we are the ones that keep ourselves stuck in situations we’ve outgrown. We owe it to ourselves to do what’s right for us. We need to do the internal work necessary to break free first from our self-inflicted bondage and then from our situations. Inner-engineering which involves, prayer, meditation and yoga are tools we can use to set ourselves free.
A happy life is not free of risks. Being happy means, we trust what’s right for us, and we take the necessary action to live a fulfilling life.
You are born to be free. I encourage you to make the most of your precious life.
With Love and Light